Tag Archives: paul-dobransky

How The Recession Can Spice Up Relationships

by Susan Adams, 04.21.09, 12:30 PM ET

The economic crisis has a huge upside: an opportunity to improve your relationship.

Layoffs, furloughs and shrinking 401(k)s may not seem like natural aphrodisiacs, but according to experts in relationships and sex, the depressed financial picture is leading some couples–and singles–to better appreciate each other.

“The recession brings with it a re-evaluation of what’s important in life,” says Manhattan psychoanalyst Amy Joelson.

It’s too early for empirical studies evaluating the effect of the recession on the sex lives of Americans, notes Chicago psychiatrist Paul Dobranksy, author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall In Love. He says it takes years to compile a meaningful picture of how the downturn has changed the intimate lives of Americans. “See me in five years,” he says.

But anecdotal information exists. While many of Joelson’s patients, for example, have expressed anxiety about spending money on frivolous items, they still feel good about engaging in physical intimacy. “People wrestle with guilt about indulging in all kinds of pleasures, like going shopping or eating at expensive restaurants; that’s seen as politically incorrect,” she says. “But you don’t need a 401(k) to have sex.”

Physical intimacy is also a great way to relieve anxiety, tension and stress, points out Wayne, N.J., psychologist and dating coach Victoria Zdrok, author of Anatomy of Pleasure: The Head to Toe Guide to Better Sex. “People are turning to sex to boost their endorphin levels,” observes Zdrok. Tightening budgets means more time at home, says Zdrok. “That allows people more one-on-one time and more intimacy,” she says, “which leads to more sex.”

Because of all the bad news about plunging markets and escalating unemployment, says Zdrok, some couples may be turning off the television and turning to one another. “It’s been shown that people who watch more TV have less sex,” she notes. “In one Italian study, when television was removed from the bedroom, couples’ sex lives improved.”

Another upside of the down economy: With many Americans out of work or on furlough, people have more time to exercise.

“Exercise is one of the ways people deal with stress and anxiety,” notes New York City relationship counsellor Ian Kerner, author of Sex Recharge: A Rejuvenation Plan for Couples and Singles. “Exercise is also a great libido-booster and a great part of sexual health,” adds Kerner. “Exercise increases blood flow and predisposes you to sexual arousal.”

Layoffs and furloughs can also shake up the daily grind and introduce the concept of novelty, which can spur spontaneous sex. “Whenever you introduce novelty, it stimulates dopamine transmission in the brain,” notes Kerner. “I advise couples to use the recession to break out of routines.”

Experts agree that tough economic times can motivate couples, as well as singles, to turn to simple pleasures. For singles, that can mean greater use of dating Web sites followed by low-key in-person meetings that can lead to more intimate conversations and deeper relationships.

“To go out there and use the more traditional method of a night on the town–that’s too costly,” points out Manhattan psychotherapist and advice columnist Jonathan Alpert.

Couples, likewise, can forgo lavish vacations or dinners in upscale restaurants in favor of affordable pastimes that stimulate bonding, like cooking dinner at home, renting a movie, cuddling on the couch or taking a walk in the park and talking. “All of these activities,” says Alpert, “encourage an intimacy and a closeness that improves the quality of a couple’s sex life.”

Dobranksy agrees. “Anybody who loses a job is going to take a hit to his dignity,” he says. “That presents a couple with an opportunity to rediscover the non-material values in life, which are certainly the stuff of love and romance.”

Meantime, notes psychoanalyst Joelson, couples should stay focused on the value of an active sex life. “Sex is a great expression of intimacy in a relationship,” says Joelson. “It’s a really optimistic thing, to have sex; there is hope built into the belief that together, you can create something better.”

In Depth: Eight Ways The Recession Can Spice Up Relationships

source: Forbes magazine

Apocalypto death to fear and courage reborn


This past weekend I finally watched the new Mel Gibson film: Apocalypto. This film is set in the ancient Maya civilisation just before the arrival of the first Europeans. It’s graphic in it’s violence and it’s portrayal of the capturing of one tribe by another to be used as slaves and for ritual sacrifice is gruesome indeed.

This movie really made me think about the link between fear and courage. This was first brought to my attention by Dr Paul Dobransky, a noted psychiatrist and author MindOS. Basically it goes like this when you are afraid you need courage to do the things that bring fear into your life. When you do courages things it fills up the amount of confidence you have to do other things which may bring feels of fear into your life. Susan Jeffers also wrote an excellent little book, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.

Now back to Apocalypto. This movie is set in the jungle’s of Mesoamerica and right from the beginning it’s very much an adrenalin rush with the capture of a wild boar. Soon after the capture the son of the tribal leader, Jaguar Paw (Rudy Youngblood), through intuition or through sharp senses, gets up, turns around and calls out to what turns out to be a huge tribe in migration, to come out of hiding. This tribe is on the run from slave hunters if you can call them such. Flint Sky, the father of Jaguar Paw, reminds his son not to be afraid. He says to these tribal people moving through their forest, something like this: I am Flint Stone! This is my forest. This is my forest! My father hunted in this forest before me, and my sons will hunt here after I am gone! This is a quote that will be repeated by Jaguar Paw later on in the film.

Soon afterwards the village of Jaguar Paw is pillaged by same slave hunters. The Mayan priests and through them, the king, had ordained that more sacrifice is needed to purify the lands, improve the crop harvest and to save them all. The society had been in decline for a number of years. There is elements of the film that is not historically accurate but this has nothing to do with how powerful a message it conveys regarding how to overcome fear with courage. Just before he is about to be executed a solar eclipse takes place and all the ritual sacrifices is stopped. It’s not over for the captures slaves as the high priest orders them killed. Through some tough determination Jaguar Paw outmanoeuvres the hunters who had captures him and manages to escape into the forest.

Apocalypto waterfall sceneAnd here is where he’s courage is brought to the fore. His confidences increases as he gets deeper into the forest. Now just as his village was being attacked he managed to get his newly pregnant wife and son into a deep hole. And this is part of what drives him to keep going. The fact that he has to rescue them before it rains, and they drown. As the hunters close in on him he fights them off in different ways. The most exhilarating scene in the movie could be when he jumps over a waterfall. When you consider how some of the hunters following him hesitate and end up being killed because of bad jumps over the same waterfall you realise how superior Jaguar Paw’s confidence has become. He is not afraid to take risks and he places himself directly in the line of fire on several occasions. With speed and agility he overcomes great obstacles in the chase. Overall though you can start to see how living in the moment, the now, brings you closer to your true self. It brings you closer to nature and your instincts can take over. Now in a modern, westernised, technologically advances society we live in there is absolutely nothing that pushes us in the same way to develop our confidence, our courage and our instincts. To a large extent we become nothing more than automatons doing repetitive things over and over. Our ability to overcome fear when confronted by it is reduces because of this group behaviour and placating activity we call living today.

Watch the trailer for Apocalypto here and also checkout the detailed Wikipedia entry on Apocalypto.

Interview with Doctor Paul Dobransky

Dr Paul DobranskyDr Paul is a psychiatrist and surgeon who has developed his own unified theory of psychology. I first came across him when he was interviewed by David DeAngelo, in his Interviews with Dating Gurus program, last year and they ended up doing a seminar series together called “Deep Inner Game.” I’ve communicated with Dr Paul here and there and he sent me his MindOS ebook late last year. This one of several books he has written about human behaviour and is a complete system that combines success/motivation with the best psychology into a unified theory. He has some real practical ways for thinking about and creating confidence and understanding the emotional triggers that life brings to you.

And for me personally my divorced parents taught me nothing and I grew up with my mother. Dr Paul’s ebook taught me how “father” and “mother” by specific actions and behaviour.

Anyway here’s a excellent short interview with him I found on his MySpace profile

Also checkout his website www.doctorpaul.net

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