Tag Archives: destiny magazine

Making The First Move

Posted by on April 23, 2009 No comments

Go on, ask him out!

A quick DESTINY poll revealed that most men aren’t intimidated by women who make the first move… go get him, girls!

by GILLIAN BLOCH

These days, more sisters are doing it for themselves. But in the dating world, being the one who makes the first move remains a daunting prospect. Experts say that tapping into your feminine charms will make man-capturing easier than you think!

What the men say
When we asked a select group of men what they thought about women who make the first move, their overall response was favourable, although a subtle approach was preferred. Consulting director, Eddie Mnene (34) said “if a woman approached me tactfully, I would acknowledge her guts and take it as a challenge.” 34 year-old buyer, Zakehele Ndima said, “I’m comfortable with it, but her approach must be decent and not too obvious: she should be classy and make me feel as if I’m also doing the chasing.”

Female Dating coach Tuming LeeTips on making the first move
facebook.com/people/Tuming-Lee/1386690743″>Dating coach, Tuming Lee agrees. While she believes that a man should make the first move, she says that women can prompt men into action by pursuing them correctly.  “Our makeup is different to men, so don’t use their tactics to make the first move,” says Lee. “Capturing a man’s romantic interest is a process, not a one-off event. Patience is required.” Lee offers the following tips for making the first move.

Ask questions
Men are interested in women who are interested in them. Asking the said male the right questions can be a great way to capture his attention. According to Lee, asking him whether he has a girlfriend shows that you’re interested and enables you to gauge whether he is. Asking your target male anything about his personal life will engender feeling of closeness, thus placing you on his dating radar.

Befriend his friends
Once you become part of your man’s social circle, you are well on your way to becoming part of his life. His friends will also probably support you when they find out that you’re into him. Use his friends to fish for information.

Invite him out
Inviting the object of your affection to a friend’s party is a great way to gauge his feelings and get him alone. You will be the only person he knows at the party, thus forcing him to focus his attention on you. Furthermore, if he accepts your invitation he probably likes you and has picked up on your signs.

Know when to let go
Developing a romantic relationship should be a natural process. If he is not responding, let it go and date other people. You may discover that you were stopping yourself from meeting the right one or alternatively your active love-life will make the man you were pursuing suddenly take notice.

Tuming’s last word to women pursuing a man is: “If you know you can’t handle possible rejection, don’t pursue it.” Yet pursuing the right man can secure a happy romantic destiny.

To contact Tuming Lee for a private consultation call her directly on 083 379 1957.

The Psychology of a Player interview

Posted by on July 6, 2008 6 comments

The Pickup Artist - The New and Improved Art of Seduction by Mystery aka Erik von MarkovikThis is an interview for launch edition of Destiny, a new women’s business magazine published by Khanyi Dhlomo. So many of these women’s magazines ask the same boring questions about dating or relationships, so this was a real treat to explore. It’s also the most popular article on this blog.

1. Why do some men decide to become players?

Most players don’t decide to become players. They just find they are naturally good with women i.e. they understand how to make a women feel good and this naturally creates attraction. Players make up a small, very small fraction of men. Those who are motivated to become pickup artists (or players) do so out of frustration and lack of success with women growing up. For example, Mystery, the most revered pick-up artist in the world was a nerd, introverted and into computers growing up. He transformed himself by becoming a stage magician and using this to launch his career as a professional pick-up artist. He is the mentor of Neil Strauss, author of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artist (2005).

2. What do they gain from it?

The most important thing a man gains from becoming a player is confidence with women. They begin to understand the process of how to create attraction, how to get women into bed, how to make women come back for more. They learn what most guys only hope to achieve which is that men can also have sexual selection because most men believe women are the choosers. More specifically they learn a set of internal beliefs, attitudes and a mindset which women find irresistible.

3. What drives a good man to become a Casanova?

Again in most cases it’s a severe lack of success with women which drives them to seek out the knowledge, know-how and role models who can teach them how to turn things around. Casanova made most of the women he had sex with very happy because he was able to focus in on their inner most desires and allow them to live out a idealistic fantasy. By comparison the average male is plain and boring.

4. Does culture have anything to do with it?

No because players or Casanova’s can be found in all countries, all cultures and throughout the ages. Matt Ridley in his ground breaking book, The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature, explains how intelligence has been one of the outcomes through sexual selection, which is a separate and concurrent development alongside evolution. What I mean is this, males develop a high intelligence, to outwit the competition. The females benefited with each generation of reproduction and the transfer of genes.

5. How do you spot a Casanova?

The best players are also guys’ guys because they can get along with anyone. They have superb social skills and assert their alpha status over a social group becoming the de facto leader. The easiest way to spot a Casanova is to observe how a guy interacts with both women and men. He cannot be confident with women if he is not able to lead the men. In one sense he is more like Don Juan (seducer) who will be quiet, even reserved because he does not intentionally raise any alarm bells. He is prefers to observe the surroundings and group interaction so he can choose the best possible moments to make his move on the particular woman he prefers. Another type of player is more of “the Mayor” where he is friendly and talkative to everyone.

6. Can you change him to become monogamous in a relationship?

Yes because serial monogamy is a myth. It simply means the man has not met a woman who has more to offer than himself. So for example find a man like Matthew McConaughey, considered a player, settling down with Brazilian model Camila Alves. You will also notice how many playboy types go through multiple marriages because they are trying to find the best match based on their own subjective criteria. And I’ll guarantee you part of that includes a woman who’s a challenge with very high
self-esteem (because they have high self-esteem).

7. Do you have any examples that come to mind?

QUESTION: So who is the biggest player you’ve ever met?

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