Men are confused about the “flakiness” of women. We were charming and kind and nice, were we not? Why did it start so strong with her and then attenuate into nothingness?
Here is how it usually goes. A guy meets a girl who likes him and she agrees to go on a date with him. So he meets her somewhere typical, say at a nice wine bar for a glass of wine. Date number one. And the whole time, he is trying be interesting and charming… he is telling stories and telling jokes, and it is working reasonably well. Remember, she likes him… she came on a date with him. So she likes the date and it was fun.
He is kind and charming, the epitome of chivalry. He opens the door for her, etc. And at the end of the date, he is not sure what else he is supposed to do, so they thank each other for the great evening, and he asks her if she would like to get together again. And remember, she likes him, so she says yes. Date number two.
Now date number two is usually something different… say, a movie. They go to the movie, they are a little more comfortable around each other, and again, they both have fun with each other on this date. Once again, he is kind and considerate. It is going really well. He likes her, and she likes him. So they make plans to get together again. Date number three.
Usually this third date is in one of their homes… they agree to watch a video together, for example. Of course, there are all kinds of variations on this, but I think we can agree that this is a typical modern dating progression.
So she enters his home, he takes her coat, and she gingerly sits down on one end of the sofa. She comments on the art on his wall, he walks around explaining it all. He holds up various DVDs, and they laugh and agree on one. The mood is light, genial.
And here is where it gets a little confusing. This is a steady progression toward intimacy, something they both want and yet, somewhere on that journey, the typical man gets lost. He starts the movie and sits down. On the other end of the sofa. “Can I get you anything”? “No, I am fine.” And the movie begins. And there they sit.
The question in his mind: What now? How do I escalate? How do I shift from the role of the great guy on a date to the role of her lover? She is sitting over there… what do I do next? How do I bridge the gap? What should I do? Should I try to kiss her? Should I move closer to her? How do I become the passionate lover?
There is a huge gap between them on the couch, which is a complete metaphor for the gap of intimacy between them. And so of course it is awkward! Remember, she likes him! She came to watch a video at the house, but that was just an excuse to get closer to him, to get more intimate with him. But that gap is too big to close now. He is frustrated and she is equally frustrated.
How did this happen? Well, here’s how. Even though he has been funny and kind and courteous on the previous dates, he never once let her know that he desires her in any way. In other words, he has been her “friend” for two dates, and now he wants to magically transform himself into her “lover”.
Because he has been taught that women will be offended by any hint of a sexual nature, he completely buried his masculine desire for her. When he opened the door for her, he reached way around her, careful not to touch her in any way. He sat across from her at the restaurant, and told pleasant stories about his life, but again, he never once got close to her, in her personal space. This set the tone for the whole experience with her.
And now he has to somehow turn it on? In other words, he was acting like a “fun friend” for three dates, and now he wants to turn into “lover boy”? He never once expressed his masculine desire for her in any way, and now he wants to shift into a paragon of passion? Like the cover of a romance novel? Can’t happen!
He never gave her a chance to desire him. He never let her know that, yes, I am charming and nice, but I am something more. I am a man ans I desire you.
Charm, chivalry, and being nice are not enough. Everything fades to an uninteresting beige colour when we suppress our love of life, our love of women, our passion, our desire, and our sexual nature.
Remember, women want you to be excellent with them. They are cheering for you. They are on your side!
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