Monthly Archives: May 2007

How your internal state affects your social success

Posted by on May 29, 2007 1 comment

Your internal state plays a much bigger role in your social success and specifically in your success with the opposite sex. For men this can be very, very problematic. Let me give an example. When you are not feeling good, maybe depressed, maybe lonely or frustrated…you can still drive your car. You get in, start the car and you drive away. If you are angry you may drive faster than usual. If you are lonely you may drive around mindlessly trying to kill time or searching for someone external to you. The thing is you do not forget how to drive your car.

Now for most men this is not the case when it comes to interactions with women. And it goes without saying the more attractive the woman, the more your internal state prevents you from “being normal” around women. So what can you do about this? What can you do to prevent nervousness from destroying your confidence? What can you do to restore your internal state to equilibrium?

The more you ignore this problem, the bigger it is bound to become. Your body becomes conditioned to react in a certain way when you approach women. Even when you are introduced to an attractive women your body will start reacting in the only way it knows how. And this is something you may feel is beyond your control – but it’s not!

You can program your internal state by way of conditioning. What I mean here is by training yourself to respond in the way that you want to. You can begin to sensitise yourself with practise over time. It could take months or it could take years. Now this is where you may want to listen in closely. You can reduce the time to condition your emotions by working on changing the patterns of behaviour. One thing I’ve been doing more and more recently is playing certain types of music on my cellphone/mp3 player when I am about to speak to an audience. I have used the same approach before going out. I’ve chosen some very specific pieces of music that really pushing my internal state way up. Up meaning into a heightened state of awareness as well as a high energy feeling. This is all going on inside of my head and whether I am aware of it or not it’s been having a profound impact on my social interactions.

So what music does this to you? Here’s some suggestions:

There are many more. For some people rock music may do it. For some people some other kind of music may do it. The thing is to remember you are not helpless. You can change your internal state. You can have a deeper sense of well being when you choose to control your internal state. And in a very circular way success in social interactions is all about being normal – in “women talk” – just being yourself.

Incoming search terms:

Neil Strauss interviewed on The View

Posted by on May 23, 2007 No comments

Neil Strauss is a Los Angeles-based author and journalist who writes for The New York Times and Rolling Stone, where he is a contributing editor. He is well-known for his best-selling book The Game. Here’s an excellent interview with him on a American day time talk show The View from back in 2005. Very interesting is that his girlfriend Lisa Leveridge is in the audience and the talk show hosts actually asks her some questions which she answers with a lot of confidence given the situation…

Dating Lessons from Borat

Posted by on May 21, 2007 1 comment

You may or may not have seen this clip before. Borat has certainly entered the mainstream with the hit movie from 2006. Borat in his usual casual style introduces the topic and explains in a bewildered manner how American women will not get married unless you date them first. Apparently where comes from, in Kazakhstan, you just go to the woman’s father and pay them. Sounds almost like lobola to me. The questions by the matchmaker with Borat’s responses is hilarious. One benefit from this kind of situation is that it helps you become clear about what you want, what you have to offer. The question of race is not a sensitive issue to Borat: he does not want a Jewish woman. One good piece of advice given at this stage is not to be sexually explicit in your dating profile. You want to be sensual wherever you can but never direct.

Next in dating school Borat learns that most American men bring to many gifts. This is a big no-no according the dating coach. He practices his funny chair joke on her with some uncomfortable giggles. A tip here when telling jokes never laugh before the woman you are talking to has laughed. No matter how lame your jokes – hold your breath – and the people you speak to will eventually giggle even to relieve to the tension. More about cocky comedy later. I think the most hilarious part is that Borat does the opposite of what the dating coach tells him to do. There is some value here because doing the opposite of what your mother taught you or what society expects to you to do, can sometimes have surprisingly good responses from woman. Everyone enjoys a surprise whether they admit it or not.

Incoming search terms:

Mystery interview on Conan O’Brien

Posted by on May 20, 2007 1 comment

Mystery aka Erik Von Markovik, is a pioneer of the seduction community, and a main character in the non-fiction book The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, by Neil Strauss. Mystery has been a prolific contributor to the online forums and published several books mostly in ebook format. After the release of Neil Strauss’ book he has entered into more of a mainstream persona. So I found this short interview on the Conan O’Brien show. Mystery is not able to get into any specifics but demonstrates one of his chief strategies; that of peacocking. Peacocking is when you – the man – wears something unusual that draws a women’s attention and allows her to come up to you and comment on it. I for example have a very unusual ring that a friend bought when the Dalai Lama came to South Africa a few years ago. It has a whole story that goes with it because of the Buddhist mantra written in Sanskrit. For more on Mystery please take a moment to visit his Mystery Method website and review his book, audio and DVD products.


Mystery On Conan O’Brien
Uploaded by becomingapua

Incoming search terms:

Tony Robbins interview on Larry King Live

Posted by on May 19, 2007 1 comment

A great interview with Anthony Robbins on Larry King Live from December 2006. They discussed why new year resolutions often don’t work out. And went into depth about some basics around human motivation and effecting change in your life. I really like how Tony links his theories on change back to physiological and biological changes. When I used to workout at the gym I had little change. And now I know it’s because my diet was the same. So not much changed in my body. I may have improved my cardio but not much else. They also discussed in detail his support for the death row victim Stan ‘Tookie’ Williams (portrayed by Jamie Foxx in the made-for-TV film Redemption). I teach a process on becoming clear about your what you want, what you don’t want, and the person you have to become to attract someone into your life, that I learned from Tony. Anyway here’s the awesome interview with the brilliant interviewer Larry King:

Incoming search terms:

How to get a women’s phone number in 2 minutes

Posted by on May 17, 2007 7 comments

Ramon's new phone Sony Ericsson w880iOn Tuesday I went to the traffic department to pick-up my new drivers license. As fellow South Africans will know – this is a nightmare. The whole system is so messed up because of computer glitches and government bureaucracies and bungling…’nuff said.

Anyway while waiting in the queue I see this woman reading a Danielle Steel book. So as I walked in I immediately made a loud comment about the two guys on either side of her being losers for not talking to her. In fact I pointed to her and said “How rude! Do you guys realise she’s telling you how boring you are and her book is more interesting then whatever you have to say?”

She hit back that they had been stuck in traffic department for two days. They were there the previous day and the systems went down so they came back. Now the great Chinese sage, Lao Tzu, once said those who justify do not convince. And here she was – I hardly know her – and she is defending herself. If she did not care she would continue to read. First IOI – indicator of interest – and she asked me a question – next IOI. My name was called and picked up my drivers license card. I returned to her, asked for her cellphone, called myself and asked her name as a I left – remarking that somebody up there likes me.

So there was some warm-up conversation. Always teasing and never letting on. From the moment I sat down, asked for her phone, called my own number and returned her phone asking for her name > less than 2 mins! This has been one of my favourite ways of getting a woman’s phone number.

The next article will be reposted from David DeAngelo and his technique on email addresses and phone numbers. I’ve tried it and it causes to much of a delay so go directly for the phone number.

Leykis 101 – No Means No!

Posted by on May 14, 2007 No comments

Tom Leykis 101Now this is a Leykis rule which I think everybody can 100% agree with. It’s important to keep in mind that this rule is especially important with the rise of violent crimes against women. Many men are not able to express themselves and have a warped sense of reality i.e. they want to believe in the fantasy that a women who says “no” is playing hard to get. In reality it’s just not worth it…

Here’s the rule…

Regardless of the situation, when a woman says NO, stop whatever you are doing or about to do and get out. Even if you are in the middle hot steamy sex and she says No, you stop what you’re doing and get out.

  • No does not mean she is playing.
  • No does not mean just this one time.
  • No does not mean she consents to sex.

The laws mostly favour woman and will very rarely will it protect a man’s right. Men do not have the same luxury as innocent until proven guilty. Men are tried, labelled, and accused with little discretion.

If a woman cries out rape you will not past GO, you will not collect $200.00, but you will go directly to jail. It is not worth spending the next 10 years in jail and living the rest of your life as a sex offender.

For more Tenents of Leykis 101 please go here.

Interracial dating advice from Asian Playboy

Posted by on May 13, 2007 No comments

http://theasianplayboy.blogspot.com/Many people think I am Asian and in many cases I just go with it. Discussing racial issues in South Africa often leaves a bitter taste in my mouth because I grew up toward the end of Apartheid. So I saw the end of a great evil and growing up in a very isolated community I was never exposed to other races that much. And all that I know is what I have learnt on my own. Today I’m not going to write about my observations but rather share some existing advice which I certainly can relate with and maybe you can as well.

This advice is a series of posts on the Asian Playboy dating blog discussing how Asian Males must or should approach White Females.

I have dated Coloured girls, Indian girls, Black girls and White girls. There is some differences between them and they are almost always linked to culture, upbringing and education levels. For example the higher the education levels the more the Coloured girls, Black girls behave like White girls. The lower the education levels the more they behave like stereotypes of their respective cultural backgrounds.

How to use charm not flattery

Posted by on May 11, 2007 No comments

The last few days I’ve been in beautiful Cape Town, South Africa. Now I visit this wonderful city about once every two or three months and whenever I am here it feels like home – that is another story. I’d like to share with a lesson in charm school.

A few days before leaving Joburg I booked my car rental through Avis – the “we try harder company.” I got the best deal and was content. First thing I realised after checking in at the newly renamed OR Tambo International (Johannesburg International) airport is that I forgot my drivers license in my car. This was parked at the long term parking so there was no way I’m going to run out to the parking lot to retrieve it before taking off from Cape Town.

The little voice in my head told me “don’t worry you’re a damn charming fellow and whomever you speak to at Avis in Cape Town will help you out.” This is where I first programmed the belief into my own mind.

Now let’s skip to Cape Town airport and my arrival at the Avis desk. I am a “preferred member” but left my damn card also back at my place in Jozi. So with only slight hesitation I headed over to the Preferred Customer section (always a shorter queue and all for filling in a form to get a loyalty card.) I stood up straight and in my most authentically charming voice told the woman behind the counter I have a special situation , she must please try to help me out.

Read the above again – I basically issued an instruction, not a request. You see the human brain is the most programmable computer ever invented. And the great school system prepares you to become an automaton who listen to commands much more than questioning them – just look at how people around you behave. If you studies any NLP at all you’ll be smiling by now.

So as she looked at me I also looked deep into her eyes. I used a technique called “Sending” recently learned from Dr Paul Dobransky to send her good feelings. Next thing is I assumed rapport and treated her like an old friend. Smiling but not to much and always keeping very good body language – meaning confident body language. You loose more by poor body language and bad voice tone then any crap you may speak.

Anyway the end result here was that I used charm instead of flattery. I did not compliment this woman except in the end and it was sincere. Now most people in my situation would have tried to be overly nice – this is flattery. And most guys when meeting a new girl they find attractive dish out the compliments without the women doing one thing to deserve it. This woman from Avis deserved a compliment. And I may just send her some flowers before my next trip in June – this will secure continued excellent and preferential service. I like to see this as building goodwill for the future.

What’s your experience with charming people to help you out of problematic situations?

Do you need look like Ryk Neethling to be successful with women?

Posted by on May 3, 2007 1 comment

Ryk Neethling Olympic swimmerThe short answer is “no” because looks are less important for women then for men. I’m not saying it’s not important – it is important just less than what most men believe. I saw Ryk on 3Talk today and had this thought I felt like sharing this with you…

Attractive people have always has advantage over less attractive people. I’ve come across many stories of attractive people being hired especially in sales positions. One that really hits home for me being multiracial person in South Africa is this one.

One expert explained the way attraction develops for men and women differ in the following ways.

For women it happens like this:

  1. attraction first happens at an emotional level
  2. next it happens at an intellectual level
  3. next it happens physically

For men it happens like this:

  1. attraction happens first physically
  2. next it happens intellectually
  3. next it happens emotionally

So in this respect you may realise how much more common it is to see really attractive women with unattractive men. If you think about it what are some of the qualities or characteristics women find attractive: sense of humour, confidence, mystery, etc. Ask any man what he finds attractive about a woman. You’ll get a list as follows: I like her ass, boobs, legs, lips, smile, eyes, etc.

Men are biologically and evolutionary designed to be more visual. Back when we were running around on the African Savannah in groups of 50 to 150, we needed to be very accurate in hunting and protecting our tribes, by having good eyesight. Women on the other hand looked after the children and developed an amazing ability to read emotions from the children and from other women.

When you start learning how to convey your personality in a manner that women find compelling, you realise that physical appearance or model looks is less important for women. Now how do you develop your personality? Learn how to be less needy. Stop complimenting women. Tell interesting stories and one thing that I certainly encourage men to learn from the likes of Ryk Neethling is to have a magnificent obsession. Have a purpose or a path that you follow. You will become immensely more attractive to women.

Incoming search terms: