Monthly Archives: July 2006

Believing is Seeing

Sean Stephenson once said the greatest lie is “seeing is believing” and he explain it a bit. How I understood it is that we hold back because we don’t see that its possible to approach a certain woman, or to talk to a certain guy you have your eye on. Well you have to believe first and then you will see then you will see the results…

So I share this Thought of the Day with you…

IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IT YOURSELF, DON’T ASK ANYONE ELSE TO DO SO.

It is virtually impossible not to transmit your doubts and insecurities to others through body language, tone of voice, inflection, word choice, and other subtle characteristics. When you show by your actions that you lack self-confidence, other people also begin to doubt your ability to perform. You can gain the respect and confidence of others. Begin by making a list of all the things you like about yourself and the things you would like to change. Make a conscious effort to build upon your positive strengths and correct your weaknesses. It may not be easy, but if you assess yourself objectively and persevere in your efforts, you will eventually prevail.

For more of these thoughts of the day go to the Napoleon Hill Foundation

How To Make a Woman Comfortable

When you go on the first date, both you and the woman tends to feel uncomfortable. So here is some tips for you guys who don’t know what to do.Firstly always know exactly what you are going to do. Know what time and what venue, and know where you will go afterwards. When you setup the date, invite the woman to join you. Never ask, ever, ask to “take her out to dinner” or “buy her a drink” – ALL GUYS DO THIS.

My approach is to make sure that I have a good social life and hobbies and interest. So for example I love going to stand-up comedy in Melville, Johannesburg (every Sunday 8pm). So every now and then I will invite a woman to join me. And I’m going anyway whether she is meeting me there, or she is coming with me. And this approach is the opposite of what most guys do. Most of you believe your “dates” with a woman needs to a special event to celebrate the occasion, almost. Well make sure you have regular activities, the more interesting and unusual the better. And invite a woman to join you.

So once you’ve found a woman you want get together with. Here’s a few suggestions for the first activity that is a very low impact:

So after you go to one of the above, you may suggest coffee or a drink. So on the first meeting you wanna take the woman on two to three different venues. This will allow you to build comfort very quickly.

If the woman does not want to go with to the next activity you can do what some call a time bridge. Let me give you two scenarios…

Scenario 1

Some time last year I met a woman at a lounge I frequent called Katzy’s in Rosebank on a Saturday night. I met her again on Tuesday for a quick coffee at Newscafe, Sandton. And I invited her over to my place the Saturday after that. She was hesitant and wanted to bring her friend. I told her to go out with her friend instead and she ended up coming over because I was not forcing the issue and gave her some reassurance that I was not in a hurry. Anyway she stayed over and I will leave the rest to your imagination.

Scenario 2

I met a woman earlier this year at Newscafe, Braamfontein. After a few glasses of wine I took her to Mall of Rosebank because she didn’t want to go home immediately. In Rosebank I took her from the Mall to The Zone and checked out a few books in Exclusive Books. And I asked her if she wanted to go to Katzy’s or my place for a drink. She asked me in return if I had wine (guys get some bottles of wine even if you don’t drink it or enjoy it). And because I always have wine we ended up at my place and this was all in the same evening.

It really comes down to understanding that the more comfortable you can make a woman feel the better it is for both of you before intimacy.

Checkout this excellent dating Podcast

I’ve been listing to a new dating podcast by my friend Scot McKay, a dating coach in America with his girlfriend Emily Grillo. Both Scot and Emily is divorced and initial assesment of their podcasts is that its excellent advice for older, divorced people. But in retrospect why do you wanna wait for things to get so bad. The kind of advice that Scot gives is really cutting through the B.S. of what you read in popular magazines and even books. So do yourself a big favour and head over to Deserve What You Want to subscribe to Scot’s newsletter and download archived podcasts in MP3 format.

Who will buy Singles Bracelets?

A female friend of mine sent me a link to this website that sells a Singles Bracelet. This is what the website says:The hot, new way to identify yourself as single and looking for other available singles.

# Great icebreaker, conversation starter # Married people wear rings, now singles wear bracelets

Look for other Just Looking Singles wherever you go. They’ll be looking for you.

Well I emailed her back immediately to say that I think women will buy this but few guys will buy this. And it comes down to pride. There’s no fun or excitement in the hunt if the woman is wearing a bracelet like this. And who of you believing this think a woman will walk up to a guy who wears this kind of bracelet? I surely don’t. If you disagree post your comment because I think this is one of the stupidest things I’ve seen in a long time.

And yes its invented by a woman…

Superman is Dead

Tonight I watched the new Superman Returns movie. A big fan of comic book superheros since I was a young lad. This movie was to say the least a dissappointment in the story. Visually its spectacular but the acting is wooden or dead.

Clark Kent and Superman must be the most insecure superhero I know. If only based on his levels of self-confidence even Peter Parker (aka Spiderman) is better.

Now I’m going to reprint a part of a newsletter by my friend Stephane Hemon, who teaches unconditional love and sacred sexuality in Montreal, Canada.

“Superman is DEAD!”

As children, we often looked up to various superheroes and deep
down I think we all wished that we could be like them.

We wanted to be more powerful.

We wished that we could have that perfect body.

We wanted to have the external validation that superheroes feed
on.

The problem is that when humans try to compare themselves to
superheroes (or Barbie and Ken for that matter), they inevitably
come up short.

We've all been socially conditioned to feel that we're LACKING
certain superficial qualities.

Don't get me wrong - I love Superman, but I think it's time
to listen to that Our Lady Peace song and let Superman rest
in peace.

He was a great superhero, but at the end of the day, he actually
LACKED COMPASSION.

Allow me to explain.

He spent his entire life trying to SAVE a world that did not
want to be saved.

He interfered with everything going on around him. It wasn't
kryptonite that killed him. It was the lack of compassion.

Superman was a concept that was created at a time when our world
really truly needed it. We needed a type of hope, of some superhuman.

But, in a sense, that old concept has worked against us. It
is not just Superman and Superwoman. It is all the superheroes,
and all of these grand beings that we have manifested.

We have all wanted the perfect body, the perfect strength, X-ray
vision, the ability to do all these things and to save the world.

But Superman is dead now, replaced with compassion.

Replaced not with the image of this perfect body that was strong
and all of these other attributes that related to the physical
being. That is dead now.

We have been struggling and fighting with the way that we think
we need to be a super human. And, that is gone… gone… dead.

We have judged ourselves based on all of these superficial things.

They are gone now. They are gone. They are replaced with compassion
and honoring of your self and everything around you.

Superman forgot to honor himself and others. And, he had to
leave because he didn't understand that people have free will
and need to learn to accept response-ability for their own lives.

It's lack of compassion that compels us to argue with others.

It's lack of compassion that compels us to want to change others.

It's lack of compassion that compels us to want to “save” others.

And it's lack of compassion that compels us to feel angry and
judgmental toward others.

To change the topic for a moment, I ALSO get a lot of emails
that sound like this:

“Hey Steph, “coming from the heart” SOUNDS like a good idea.
But HOW does one come from the heart?”

The short answer is this:

You know that loud voice in your head?

Well, BEHIND that voice there is ANOTHER voice. It's much quieter.
It's MUCH softer. It's not your “inner-wuss”.

It's the wisdom of your heart.

Since it's not as LOUD as the Ego, we humans rarely pay attention
to it.

The average heart-chakra is only 3% open.

Scary!

…But it does explain all of the power struggles, arguments,
fights, violence, and cheating that goes on in today's relationships.

Now, to get back to Superman being dead, many of you are trying
to CHANGE the women you are with, rather than TRAINING her.

The difference is quite simple, and can be summed up in TWO
WORDS:

Don't_Argue_With_People.

Now, here's a story to illustrate what I mean by Superman being
dead and replaced by compassion.

Recently, a friend of mine started seeing a new woman. Everything
was going well for the first week or two…

Then he tried talking to her about being in a relationship,
and she told him that although she was enjoying his company
very much, she was not yet ready to jump into a relationship.

What does he do?

Instead of HONORING that, and respecting her God-given right
to decide for herself when she is or isn't ready to be in a
committed relationship, he began to argue and attempted to change
her mind. He started LECTURING her.

Now, my friend has very good intentions and all, but in this
case what he didn't realize was that he lacked COMPASSION.

Needless to say, he lost the girl.

Had he respected her right to make up her own mind about things
and displayed compassion, things might have worked out differently.

So it was a lesson he learned the hard way. He tried to be her
Superman; he tried to “save” her.

He tried to teach her something that she didn't want to learn,
which really means that he tried to impose his values on her.

When a woman wants to do something that I don't agree with,
such as sleeping with other men, I honor that. I might even
introduce her to other men.

The bottom line is that I've learned to trust the Universe to
supply my abundance of pussy. Ironically, it's this non-needy
attitude that draws them in faster than anything.

I NEVER attempt to preach, “save” or control women. I honor
whatever path they choose, and I honor my own path as well.
I don't compromise my values in order to keep getting sex from
a woman.

Her choices in life are her buisness, not mine. And whatever
choices she makes, I ask myself, “Can I live with that?”

If yes, great. If no, then she needs to be in a relationship
with someone else.

Trust me, the non-needy attitude (compassion) is quite challenging.
It can be very difficult to master, but when you do, it's THE
most attractive quality you can have.

Try to HONOR every single choice, every value, and every belief
that other people choose for themselves, even if you disagree
with them and know that they are choosing something un-healthy.

Let it go. Honor them, respect them. Be the first person they've
ever met who was totally capable of accepting them just they
way they are.

Stop being her Superman and have TRUE compassion. Trust me,
this will draw heart-centered women into your life more than
any other quality.

For more on Stephane please visit his website Ideagasms and also checkout his Ideagasms Forum.

Spice up your life

Misstress of SpiceTonight I watched Misstress of Spice, a new movie starring reigning Bollywood queen, Aishwarya Rai and American actor, Dylon McDermott. South Africa’s top movie critic, Barry Ronge, gave it a scathing review you can read here. I still think its a good movie with fantastic visuals and also a lot of fantasy. It’s playing at Cinema Nouveau and elsewhere.
Last year I met this gorgeous Indian woman who at first was very stand-off-ish. But I got her email, and emailed her the next day. A few SMSes and more emails and a week later met for dinner. And some kissing. Another few days later on a Sunday afternoon she stopped by my place to lunch. She told me no guy had ever cooked for her before. Well I think this is the best thing I could have learnt a few years ago as part of my repertoire. Lets just say that she had me for dessert and the rest is history.

So any guy who reads this post. Do yourself the biggest favour and learn some basic culinary skills. It will set you miles apart from other guys.

Parenting Advice

Well I’m not a parent but one day I do would like the oppertunity very much to be a great dad and nurture and encourage my children. Well I got this great article recommended in a newsletter I subscribe to. The title is just so cool for a movie buff like myself, How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Trust the Teenager.